10:58 PM.

Every time I have a fallout with someone who happens to read my blog, I feel the need to delete it and fall off the map completely, but I refuse to this time. I don't even know if you're still checking this, but I don't really care. I'm not going to filter myself for your benefit and really, there's no use in me being upset about it anymore, I trusted the wrong person and it is what it is. I'm always excited to learn new things, so thank you for teaching me the importance of keeping my guard up. It was an inadvertent and rather cruelly taught lesson, but I'm stronger for it. I guess I just desperately wanted to believe in people again; I desperately wanted to believe in you.

On an unrelated note, I've been feeling blue lately and it's getting to me. I hate not being productive, it gives me way too much time with my thoughts. I understand that I have responsibilities at home that take precedence and my life has to be put on hold for a little while longer, but when is it okay to be selfish and want more for yourself? Never, yeah? Thought so. I'm just in a weird funk lately and I can't seem to shake it off. I feel like an exposed nerve, anything and everything is getting to me and I wish it would stop 'cause this isn't me and as I'm typing this, I'm wondering if I even know who "me" is anymore. All I know is that I feel trapped, and I don't see any light at the end of this tunnel.

Okay, enough venting for now. I've mentioned how much I love Lana Del Rey previously, yes? Good. This is my latest obsession. I don't know which I like more, the song, or the intro/outro. Anyway, this song just really hits home, so I thought I'd share.

"Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you’re free to experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy but I am free." and I hope to be, too, someday.

Okay, enough of my mega-emo post. Good night!

-Lilo.