S-S-Summertime, Summertime Sadness.

Song by the lovely Lana Del Rey. I'm quite obsessed with her music, it truly is brilliant, even though it's not my usual cup of tea. I think it's her borderline masochistic approach to relationships, and the fact that she says she's always singing about "the same damn guy" who she'll always love, no matter what. Something about that commitment reminds me of a previous version of myself. Previous.

Speaking of summer, I'm completely irked by its arrival. Well it isn't fully here yet, so let's just call it "its tentative knocking on the door". Okay, there's nothing tentative about it, but back to the main point, it's irksome. I heartily dislike summer, as you've probably gathered from the previous post. I think I'm possibly the only one amongst my friends who isn't completely psyched about tanning and beaches and all that jazz. I'm already tan and beaches are filthy. And the heat? Ay dios mio, NO. Noooo. *pushes it away* I much prefer biting cold or relentless rain. Rain. *insert sigh of content here*

It rained today, quite a bit. Absolutely beautiful! I drove all the way to uni and sat in my car in the parking lot, waiting for it to be 10 AM, so I can get to class. Then I realised that the weather was too lovely to waste away in classrooms, and decided to go rain-chasing. Rain-chasing? Oh, that's just a term I invented. It drizzled a little bit on my way to uni, so I decided my time would be MUCH better spent, chasing the rain. Yeah, it's not as sophisticated an explanation as you'd like it to be. *giggles to self* I went from area, to area, going on different roads, trying to find where the rain was. Some areas were rewarding, others completely disappointing. But that, paired with music ranging from Nirvana to the likes of Lana, was actually quite entertaining.

I tweeted about my plans for the day earlier, and my friend responded by saying that there was no such thing as "aimless driving about", that sooner or later, you'd always end up in the supermarket. And he was actually correct, my journey did in fact end up at the supermarket to get my ice-cream fix! Sorcery, I know.

Pralines and Cream heaven, not a terrible start to the weekend. Hope you guys have a good one! x

- Lilo.

Crazeballs

That's my current favourite word. I feel like it accurately portrays the alarmingly high level of sophistication I possess. Crazeballs. Except if it's paired with "totes", not even I can handle that.


Today, I'm going to list a few things I hate. It's only a few things, really.


*insert sweet, misleading smile here*

• When people make excessively huge deals about their birthdays. Calm your ducking tips. (censored, obviously.) I feel very nice for saying WHEN people do that, and not saying that I hate the people themselves.

• The number 5. Looks like a knocked-up ho. And no numbers should come after 4, as it is perfect in every way.

• Seafood. It all tastes like rubber, as does halloum. Yeah, I also hate cheese.

• Self-proclaimed "Grammar Nazis" with poor grammar. Yes, this time I'm actually hating on the people. Claiming that you're a grammar nazi doesn't magically elevate your level of intelligence, or whatever it is you're going for.. it just makes you look like twice the douchebag when you fuck something up.

• When people leave spaces before question/exclamation marks. Are you questioning the space? Is there something particularly exciting about the space? EXPLAIN THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THE SPACE, PLEASE.

• The colour yellow. I always associate it with sick people, and it makes me sad.

• Excessively cheerful people before noon. No, just no. Which brings me to my next thing, the sun. I heartily dislike the sun.

• "Group projects". Yeah, me. All me, and I have to share the satisfaction of presenting an excellent project with bimbos who can't even spell my last name. Which is written on the cover page of everything *I* hand in on behalf of the "group". Yeah.

• Sundays. Self-explanatory.

Ha. Told you it'd only be a few things. Trust me, I have WAY more.

P.S. The electricity just went out in the entire house for no apparent reason, fun stuff.

- Lilo.

Early Morning Rant

Hello. I've been up since about 4 AM, and I've finally given in to the fact that I won't be going back to sleep, so I shall grace my... two readers with a post.

I'm so sick of people's feeling. Seriously, take a cue from me and be a freakin' robot 'cause you're killing me here. I am the queen of "help! my friend has feelings for me, what do I do?", and I know that people are starving, dying and living in dire conditions, but given the amount of times this has happened to me in the past, I will be a selfish, ungrateful baby and allow myself to say: fuck my life. I've lost yet another friend to his unnecessary and grossly misplaced feelings and it sucks, 'cause I miss him quite terribly. Oops, that was a feeling. *suppresses it* SEE? NOT THAT HARD, PEOPLE.

At 22 (wow, I'm 22. Yeah, it's recent), I finally got my first car. Apparently, I inadvertently guilted my dad into buying it, oops? But the result is favourable to me, so I shall bask in the lovely warmth of having a new car that is all MINE. Or is it? The family car conveniently decided to stop functioning two days after I got mine and I've had to share my baby with the driver for the past two days. The family car should be ready to pick up today, but I'm still a bit miffed over the whole thing. Mine. *grabs car*

The weather has been unforgivably dusty, I feel like some of it has taken root in my lungs and I'm perpetually breathing sand at this point. Silver lining? Classes have been cancelled for the day. *insert grin here* Negative side? I'm left alone with my thoughts all day and that's never a good thing. Oh well! Shan't even waste my energy on a sadface. *sneezes* Effing dust.

I can't stop listening to Drive By- Train. And a friend of mine teases me about it, 'cause his interpretation of it is that I'm just THAT excited about my car, and everything has to be driving-related. Yeah, no. It's cute! Makes me a bit dance-y though, which is fine.. except when people start looking. *insert cringe here* Anyway, yeah, that's my current guilty pleasure.

And that shall be all for now! I'm going back to watching friends in bed. Oh em gee, you guyth, It'th like totally eckthiting, rachel is toteth preggerth and joey ith in love with hurr. Don't ask, I can't explain why I did that either.

PAYCE. (that's peace, for the slow and dim-witted. why do I insult my readers? *sigh* apologies.)

-Lilo

Remember Me?

There's very little out there that makes me feel like sharing and there are a very few amount of people who are on the receiving end of it. Yet, here I am, over a year and a half later, itching to post this quote I came across, and I have no justification for this desire.

I've read a lot of quotes in my lifetime, I've felt like a few have captured my feelings at different periods I've gone through, but *spoiler alert: cliche imminent* I feel as if this one embodies... me. Just me. I can't explain it, I can't sugarcoat it to make myself sound like less of a douchebag, or put it into acceptable terms for everyone to understand. I just feel the raw emotion behind it so deeply and it consumes me.

"Can you understand? Someone, somewhere, can you understand me a little, love me a little? For all my despair, for all my ideals, for all that - I love life. But it is hard, and I have so much - so very much to learn."
- Sylvia Plath

I chuckled as I typed her name, I would feel a connection with a person who was widely regarded as unstable, to put it mildly. But fret not, kind stranger, I shan't be sticking my head into any ovens any time soon.

-Lilo.

Lackadaisical.

Lackadaisical

Pronunciation: /ˌlakəˈdeɪzɪk(ə)l/

Adjective

lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy:a lackadaisical defence left Spurs adrift in the second half.

Just thought I'd share the word, I like how it sounds *shrug* lackadaisical.. almost sounds like what I imagine clicking used to back when it was the only form of communication.

So, this post is mostly for Lost, since she still doesn't have her BlackBerry services, I can't reply to her on Facebook in a timely manner AND I'm incapable of staying online on MSN for too long, so.. you better appreciate this, ho'. Rest of my readers should, too..all five of you. Btw, I'm sorry about the commenting format, I finally fixed it though! No word verification and you don't need an account to comment, again, I apologise.

Time for some quick updates, shall we? *rubs hands together*

• I passed petroleum fundamentals! with, get this, a B-! *moonwalks* Of course there was a two-grade curve, so my initial grade was a C.. but in my defense, professor bullied us into not dropping the course while we still had the chance. So, basically, for the first midterm, we had to translate the Arabic notes to English (so we could understand them) then back to Arabic, so we could answer the questions. Fun stuff, eh? He took pity on us after the first midterm and allowed us to take the exam in English, but we still had to translate so BE PROUD.
  
• This point is mainly to amuse H. I have a pimple. Right above my lip, funny no? It's like I NEEDED them to look bigger. Funnier thing is that the day before, literally, H2 said I have a nice cupid's bow (who the bleep notices this shit?) and now it's barely discernible thanks to the abomination right above it. (Lilo is not used to her skin hosting pimples, so she freaks out when she gets any. Bear with her.)
• Operation get hair back to original colour? successful! :D Note to self: control your damn impulses.
• H's birthday is in a week, so sad you're not spending it here :( your sister has "pissing people off" under her interests on Facebook, I couldn't be more proud.
  
• I completely forgot the rest of my points but I'm sure they're not relevant, as always! Besides, time's a-wastin', need to get back to warcrafting. Shut up, raid's waiting for me.
  

I can't leave without sharing this 'cause it's been making me LOL uncontrollably for the past 20 minutes. Watch them in order.



THEN:



..and you think I'm random? Like, seriously, who thought to take this interview and turn it into a song! Moreover, it's so effing hilarious! I think it's my new favourite song *blush* only 'cause I can't stop singing it! DAY MAKER.

P.S. Happy Ramadan and all that jazz. Kil 3am winto bkhair, my lovelies xx

P.P.S This time last year, I met the lovely Carpe Diem and spent most of Ramadan speaking to her. I miss, a lot.

Overload.

I've probably mentioned before in passing that my mother is sick but I haven't mentioned any specifics of that "sickness" before, so here's the complete breakdown of it: my mother has multiple sclerosis, epilepsy, is still recovering from a stroke and is a past cancer patient. She can't talk and is semi-paralysed. She's not bed-ridden, she can walk some distances with the help of a cane, but her right foot is still heavy and drags behind, her right arm doesn't function at all. She has been sick for as long as I can remember but she has been this way since November 2006. And I can't fucking sleep.

I've never been much of a sleeper before then anyway, but when I didn't sleep, it was because I didn't require it. Not because I was afraid that my entire world would come crumbling down around me the instant I shut my eyes. And that's exactly what I am, I'm afraid. All the fucking time. I'm afraid my mother has a seizure and swallows her tongue and nobody's around her to help. I'm afraid she falls off the bed and hits her head and gets some sort of concussion. I'm afraid she aggravates one of the 10,000 injuries she has from the injections she has to take every other day. I'm afraid she forgets to take her medication and her condition gets worse. The list goes on and on. The fear is paralysing, it creeps into my bloodstream, its icy talons find their way to my heart and grip it tightly, making it damn near impossible for me to even draw breath, but I do it anyway. And it very much feels like forcing razors down my throat and trying to wash it down with corrosive acid.

I've cut ties with the people from school, the ones I grew up and graduated with. Because the girl they once knew has ceased to exist and has been replaced by a hollowed version of her and they have no idea why. Nobody knows, because I don't mention it and I've never uttered it to any of them. Because I know the instant I do, I have to endure their pitying glances and sympathetic smiles and that's just something I can't do, I refuse to.

So, I'll keep painting on my smiles with lipstick, covering up the bags under my eyes with concealer and when you BBM me at 4am in the morning asking if I'm up, I'll reply with my standard "I'm always up :P" laugh, joke and try to escape the horrible reality of my mother's constantly deteriorating condition while hoping/praying with every fiber of my being she gets better and becomes the mother i once knew.

-lilo
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone from Zain Kuwait

Impulse Control

Hello. *insert famous awkward smile here*

Really, if you spend enough time around me, you'll know exactly which one I'm talking about, but that's beside the point. You know, 'cause I usually get to my points real quick without dawdling around. /sarcasm

So this is take three of me blogging, hopefully I'll stick with it this time? In all honesty, I do enjoy it but I do feel like it's a tad too self-indulgent at times, but you know what? Nobody's forcing you to read my endless rambles and nobody's forcing me to keep writing.. yet here we both are!

So, today's topic is going to be impulse control.. as you might have already guessed from the title. I have none, basically. I get scolded time and again for being too impulsive but I honestly can't help it. Act now, think later- it's just always been the way I do things and I do regret it half the time but mneh, what to do? Like deleting my blog for instance, I swear, I have no idea how I did it. I just went to the settings and a few clicks later, Liloism was no more! I didn't begin to justify the reasons for doing so until after I deleted it.


It's not just stuff like that, it's trivial everyday things. Like when I'm at a restaurant and I'm done with food and waiting for the bill to come and I suddenly grab the ketchup bottle and squirt it into my drink. It's just because it's there and I'm so fidgety, I have to keep my hands busy. I realise how utterly insane it is after I do it but at the time it's like an automatic reaction. Or like a few days ago, I was out with N and we were at a traffic light, I randomly opened the door and just left it there until she was all "wtf!" then it occurred to me to close it. Again, it was just there and my fingers were itching to do something! Or like the time I cut my own bangs *shudders* a disaster I'm still recovering from. I try to keep it under control, but it's been getting out of hand lately. I'm writing about it to see if anyone else has the same issue, because it truly baffles me.

On another note! My name's Dalal, right? Well, no, not right. You probably don't already know that but seeing as there's at least 5,000 other Dalals in this country, I feel comfortable with disclosing that little piece of information. (Yes, the numbers are straight from up my ass and kaifi.) Anyway, I was playing WoW the other day, 'cause I have no life and I really like it now (side note: I will NEVER forgive the guys for making me play.. ever!), and I was talking to this other player while questing (LOL! I can't get over how nerdy it sounds, ah the shame.) and he asked what my name was. So, I answered and he asked if that was common around here (if you only knew, dear.), so I told him it was and he asked me what it meant! See, I think it's one of those names you KNOW the meaning of but can't word it accurately enough without ending up with saying something like "Oh, it means spoiled." F you, it does not mean that. I kill you with my eyes. Death glare and whatnot. Yeah, bitches. Back to the point, he looked it up and was all "btw, your name means coquettishness." which I love now and is my new favourite word. And I told my friend and he said it's surprisingly fitting, even though it's not an exact translation but it's cool, no? I will not let N saying it sounds like crotch grabber or *insert mail appendage starting with C here* sucker deter me from loving it.

One more anecdote before I leave? Alright! So yesterday I was at Caribou with my brother and we were getting drinks and the waitress was doing the confusing thing they always do

Me: I want the Caramel High Rise please.
Waitress: With cream? you want extra espresso shot? extra caramel?
*Dalal's in a rush and wants to leave so she does the stupid thing and says..*
Me: You know what? Whatever, go nuts.
Waitress: *confusion* you want nuts?

Epic fail. Sighs all around. Missed me? I know. Oh and I'm not changing the name, it's Liloism again only because the lovely Carpe Diem added it to her dictionary.

Adieu x

P.S. You better all be rooting for England in the World Cup.

P.P.S. Even though I used "yeah" I would like to clarify that "yeah" isn't a real word. To quote N, "it was invented by americans who aren't real people." Did you see that the "a" wasn't a capital letter? Just further goes to show you that they're not real people and I shall not treat their nationality as a proper noun. They masticate the English language which is NOT okay. Spoken like a true graduate of a British school. You proud, mummy N? *bats eyelashes*

P.P.P.S I really think there should be a limit on the amount of Ps we can use 'cause I'm obviously abusing it. If anyone's up for listening to something a little different, try Machine Gun by Portishead. Or Roads, to quote another friend, "it makes me wanna crawl up in the fetal position and cry" I swear when she goes "how can it feel this wrong?" I get goosebumps. But I'm a semi-sissy. And trip-hop isn't really for everyone, it's a weird genre and I'm absolutely in love with it. Portishead + Massive Attack are incredible.